2 Corinthians 10:15

2 Corinthians 10:15 - We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

Every time I read this verse it strikes me a little differently.  At first the thing that stood out was "taking captive"  all my thoughts. Wow, I am almost 30 years old and it was a complete revelation to me that my thoughts were within my own control. My worry, or doubt, or envy didn't have to be just a part of who I am.  It seems so plain, but it had genuinely never occurred to me that God never planned for me to just have to deal with it.  He made me able to take these thoughts captive.  This was big news to me, BIG.

However, tonight as I read this verse again the thing that strikes me most is the fervency in the language used.  In my mind tonight, it read more like this...*Que Wrestle Mania Announcer voice* We DEMOLISH arguments and even every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and take captive EVERY thought to make it obedient to Christ. This sounds not just like a freeing idea but a serious directive.  It sounds to me like my job is to wage war on sin my own mind.  To take and avid, and active role in keeping even my mind obedient to Christ. 

In this world we are up against so much as Christians.  We have decided that we can't control our thoughts because we are sinful in nature.  They aren't our fault, right?  We aren't supposed to speak about Christ and what he has done in our lives, and what he means to us, because that would be divisive.  We shouldn't argue our points, because that wouldn't be loving.  That all seems to me to be a pretty easy way out of doing what we are evidently called to do.

We are meant to argue for our Lord, but to do it in love and not out of criticism or judgement.  We are expected to put away any doubts or even a thought alluding to something that would get in the way of our personal relationship with him.  We are told to take captive our thoughts.  To be in control of our own minds.  To keep our minds obedient to Christ.  You have no less control over your thoughts than you do over your arms, and we are told to wage war on any idea we might have that would be contrary to that fact.

I live my life like a victim of my own human condition.  I was not made for that wimpy way of life.  We were all made to be warriors.  We are made to make choices not fall victim to them. I personally see this as the Lord calling me out.  "Destroy these doubts you have about me, don't even allow yourself to have and assertion of a claim against even your knowledge of me, and if you do, get it under control and bring it into my obedience. " I feel like this is a start to a new way of thinking that seems so freeing to me.  Christ has given even little old, sinful, me power to obey him completely.  I want to get after it.

Oh wait...I have a blog?

Life is going really well for the Cugli Clan.  We actually have grown by another member.  We now have a man child to add to the mix.  Yay!  He is sweet and is a mommy's boy, which...is...AWSOME!  Hopefully now that I am a stay at home Mommy of three I will have time to post. Which I have said 3 times before, but one can hope.

My Baby is now a Big GIrl!

This past Sunday was our youngest daughters 2nd birthday and looking back I did a small post about our oldest on this momentous occasion.  I think I will carry on the tradition.

Watching Quinn grow to be the person she is becoming has been quite the roller coaster ride.  I cannot believe how much I love her.  Through the relationship I see that she has with her sister, I feel like I have a glimpse into how God wants us all to be as brothers and sisters in Christ, and she is a shining example for how we are to love each other.

Quinn is incredible kind, sweet and polite.  However she deffinitely has some bite to her.  She thinks everything is hers, but is always willing to share with her sister when she knows it really matters to her.  She is not quite as tall as Teagan was, and has shorter legs and a longer torso, but is more muscular than any baby I have ever seen.  She loves gymnastics, and appears to be naturally good at it.  The Teachers are always impressed at her little six pack tummy muscles.  She is fair like me and will sometimes look up and completely take your breath away with how amazingly beautiful she is.  She has crazy curly hair, and it completely suits her. She always yells when she runs and is naturally hilarious.  We call her Boo Boo and she now refers to herself that way from time to time.  Her favorite thing in the whole world are babies, and I know she is going to be an amazing big sister.  She is a Momma's girl for sure.

I am fascinated by how different they are.  Teagan is so serious and careful, and smart and intuitive, and has this quiet presence that is so delicate and lovely.  Quinn is funny, and brave, smart, and quite simply has a presence at the age of 2 that I am amazed at. She literally lights up every room she is in with her energy and moxy.

I love you so much Booboo.  You light up our everyday.  Life is quite simply better with you in it.  I can't ait to see the plans the Lord has for you. 

Being Thankful

It is so difficult sometimes to even remember that I am pregnant.  With two busy little girls, and a very busy husband, and a very busy season that completely affects my very busy job, I feel like this pregnancy, and the last one if I were to be honest, kind of gets swept under the rug.  I know this is probably the last time we will get to do this, and I want to just take a minute to breathe and bond with this baby. 

I was thinking about it tonight, and I am very thankful for the gestational diabetes this time around.  I get the opportunity regularly to see the baby via ultrasound, and the NST's that are not far off in the future are a nice time to get to lay back and just feel what our little man is up to in there. 

My doctor told me today that there will be a lot more testing this time than I am use to.  Since I am seeing a perinatologist this time they can take more precautions, and really do things right.  While he was going on and on about how difficult this is going to be, I couldn't help but be a little excited. I know it is strange, but the more I have to slow down and make good choices, and be very intentional about the next 15 weeks the more I get to relish in it.  I guess there really is good in everything.

Pray with us for a safe pregnancy and a very healthy baby boy.  I am doing my best to ensure both, and I am so thankful for the opportunity to do so.

Life's Good...Shiftwork Sucks

We at the Cugli household are one of many shift work families. Cugli works for a refinery and in doing such is on a rotating shift.  It is either 5a-5p or vise versa.  This makes for a CRAZY life sometimes, but he loves his job, and they are paying for him to finish his education, so I am going to suck it up and say that I like his job too. 
The issue started last night when Cugli began talking about this new unit he is working with that is just now getting started.  APPARENTLY, this means not just shift work, but late shift for potentially the next 4 months.  Oh and not to mention the mandatory 6 day weeks.  I was prepared for the 6 day weeks.  I knew they were coming at some point, but I HAD NO IDEA that it wouldn't rotate like the crazy schedule we have grown to know and love.  In case you haven't guessed, I really hate late shift. I hear noises at night that aren't really there, I have to cook dinner all by myself (which can be a serious hazard), not to mention that we only get to see Cugli for a few minutes as we rush out the door for daycare and work in the morning.  The kids will literally see him about 15 minutes per day for the next four months.  Also, in case I hadn't mentioned it,we are expecting a little boy in February, so here I go spending the last trimester sleep deprived and alone. 
At the end of the day I know there is nothing we can do to change it, and we are not alone in this, there a several other families getting stuck with the same ordeal.  I just miss my love.  He is the best partner and friend a girl could ask for and living without him is going to be rough.  On the bright side, he going to be rolling in OT for the next 16 weeks, and on top of that he is paid a night shift premium, so it looks like we might be saying hello to the real estate market come spring. 
I feel so blessed that he has a job that he likes, and he is actually really great at it.  God has brought us through some tough stuff. This time a year ago, I was just praying he would find some sort of work at all.  I trust that God will bring us through this unscathed as well, but I am bracing myself and the girls for a long couple of months. 

We thank you lord that you are so faithful.  I am trusting you with every step of our journey.  I place my marriage, and children in your hands, knowing that is the safest place for all of us to rest.  I cannot control our safety and happiness.  I know Lord that you are holding us, and we will come out on the other side having lived and learned, and appreciating each other all the more.

OK....I admit it.  After a few days of freaking out, and my poor, sweet husband sticking himself with an insulin needle to prove to me that IT IS NOT THAT BAD.  He was right.  And actually, I am feeling really good since I started the shots.  I am willing to admit that I might have been a little rash and maybe slightly crabby about the whole thing, but I feel that in this experience I have grown to be a better more selfless person.  I guess that is what pregnancy is all about.  Learning to care for this little blob of a person before they are even in your arms.  Little man, mommy loves you so much even now.  I can't wait to meet you and see the man God has planned for you to be.  Oh, and you better like Mommy best....THE END.

Oh the diabetes...

I am not even going to try to catch up on what the last year has held for our little clan, because lets be honest my track record with this thing is not great. If I were to be honest with myself, this might be the last time I post for another year. So I will just pick up where I am. Which is pregnant....again. I know. I have lost my ever loving, but here we go again, and as with the last two pregnancies I am revisiting my old friend gestational diabetes. She is not really a friend so much as this hateful shrew that won''t let me eat any bread, but that is how this goes.

This pregnancy I went into it knowing the inevitable and feeling prepared for it, but I threw a wrench in without even realizing it. My doctor quit practicing, so I found a new one, and this guy is like a diabetes hate monger. Like he is on a mission to torture all diabetic preggos. Ok, maybe that is a little dramatic, he just won't let me eat any stinken bread and it makes me cranky. At any rate, he sent me to a high risk OB, who then in turn put me on insulin once a night.

At first, I really felt like I could handle this, but here tonight with this little needle staring back at me I freaked out. I can't do it! Stick myself .....In the stomach....on purpose! I know what you are thinking, because I am thinking it too...suck it up...for the baby.

I just think that I deserve some sort of guarantee that this kid is going to be a doctor, lawyer, or tea party politician. I think I deserve that...right? I mean sticking myself nightly for the next 19 weeks should earn some reassurance that he is going to be wildly successful and love his mommy more than any other person on earth. I am not asking for that much am I?

Sooooo Blessed.

My Baby is turning 2.

Tomorrow is the big day. Sugar Bean will officially be 2 years old. I feel like it was just yesterday that I was leaving the hospital with our new baby girl. Since then A LOT has changed in our lives. She is no longer the only baby, but she is wonderful. I read about a mothers love on another blog recently and I thought she put it incredibly eloquently. "Love does not come in amounts. It cannot be measured...It just is." She has shown me not only what love is, but she has helped me to understand the father's love for me.

I have a long way to go to be the Mommy she deserves, but every day I am striving to learn a little, participate a little more, and I am learning love in such a profound way.

At this point in her life she is:

Very tall and skinny as always. (in the 97th percentile for her height), Beautiful, Charming, She talks like a 4 year old. I mean how many two year old kids would tell you they "prefer" turkey. She hates slowing down long enough to give hugs, but will every once in a while take your face in her hands and pull you in for a HUGE smooch. She still drools, has very little hair, and the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen. She loves makeup, and takes chap stick with her wherever she goes. She is a Daddy's girl until she is sad or hurt and then she wants her Mommy. She loves her sister, and hates to see her cry. She is brave, and completely unintimidated by the world around her. She loves to people watch, especially when older kids are around. The best sound in the world is hearing her tiny pounding footsteps as she runs full tilt through the house.

All of these things make her so uniquely and beautifully her. He knitted her together in my womb. He knows her so much better than I could ever begin to scratch the surface. I thank him every day for the opportunity I have to just get a glimpse of the amazing creation he has made in her. Happy Birthday Teagan. You are amazing!

CIO

Yea it is 2:16 in th emorning. Cugli and I have had enough. Peanut refuses to sleep through the night, and we can't take it anymore. We are terrible parents I know, and we cried it out with our older daughter, but this one just won't give. She is so persistant, that this is our 3rd go round of giving this a shot and Mommy and Daddy cracking.

With Sugar Bean, it seemed so easy. (Part of that could be because Cugli handled it as I offered him moral support while sleeping on the couch. Thanks babe!) It took 3 nights all together, and she slept like a champ. We would put her to sleep while still awake and she would play with her fingers and toes until she lulled herself to sleep. She still is a great sleeper. She will come tell us if she is ready for a nap a little earlier than normal, and treats goodnight kisses, like her Victory lap. She runs to bed at night yelling through the house Goodnight...Bye...Goodnight! And once in bed she goes right to sleep with no fuss. Not to rub it in, but she also sleeps until at least 8:00 every morning.

We attributed much of this amazingness to crying it out with her. However, now that we are working things out with baby number two, I am not so sure. Peanut goes down great every night. The issues usually begin about 4 hours later. It does not make any difference what time she goes to bed it is always about 4 hours later that she wakes up screaming. I worried at first that she was just hungry, but we are now feeding her nearly a full 8 oz. of oatmeal formula before putting her down.

I think the thing I struggle with most is not that she is not currently sleeping through the night, it is that she is getting progressively worse at it. At first, I would give in to the 4 hour later feeding, and then she developed a 3:00 feeding. It did not matter if she ate only an hour prior, she is like clockwork, and would be up at 3:00 on the nose. Now she has also developed a new desired feeding time for 5:30 and the worst part of all is that she was sleeping through the night until about 2 months ago.

She started sleeping through the night at 4 weeks old. No tears, no issues, just a great nights sleep. She then developed a cold. He cough would wake her up at night, and so like the terrible mother I am...I would go coddle her or feed her back to sleep. Now I could shoot myself in the foot. As much as I felt bad for her poor little cough, I have now ruined her sleep habits and it is like a downward spiral. She is tired because she is not sleeping, which makes it harder for her to get to sleep, so she gets more tired and so on.

I am not sure what to do with her. I just want the poor baby to get some rest, and to enjoy night time the way her sister does. What am I doing wrong!!!!????

UPDATE - I evidentally wrote too soon. Tonight, we only endured one wake up and it only took her about 20 minutes to get to sleep. Maybe this time is the charm!?!?

Just a few thoughts

Yesterday, Cugli and I went out for dinner. It was sort of a half hearted attempt at celebrating our anniversary, the same week we are throwing Sugar Bean's second birthday party. We will do a much better job at celebrating next weekend, but that is beside the point.

Cugli hates going to the movies, and I hate put put so, we were sort of out of ideas, and we just drove around and talked. We are known for going out to dinner and then driving around aimlessly, and just chatting. Hey you gotta live it up when you have childcare already taken care of. Well, I guess I am sort of known for it. If I am having a rough time, or someone close to me is having a rough time, my first thought is...lets jump in the car, drive around, and talk it out. I just seem to think more clearly, and talk more easily while in the car. (Not to mention, you get to see some beautiful houses this way).

Anyway, last night we just drove and talked. The one thing that keeps coming up in my life and in the life of others around me is the old adage that, "When it rains it pours" or "It will get worse before it gets better". As I have previously expressed, I am a worrier by nature, and these statements are enough to send me into a tailspin. I have felt for awhile like I am fighting everyday to keep my head above water in this huge ocean of worry and paranoia. For us, Greg lost his job...so my first natural thought is, what expense will come up next? Will it be the car, the house, God forbid, a medical bill. I do my best to suppress these fears by looking around me and seeing what God has already done to sustain us financially, but I still feel like I am continuously treading water, and to be frank, I am tired.

As we drove last night I talked to Cugli about these fears, and I told him about how exhausted I felt. I told him I feel like I am treading, and I can't keep going much longer like this. As the words came out of my mouth, I was immediately given reassurance from a still small voice.

"I never called you, or anyone to tread in the water. I called you to walk on it."

I immediately felt silly. I think this all is part of my path. I don't think God is testing me. He is teaching me. There are going to be worries in my life. There are going to be difficult times and through it all I am learning.

I have always believed there is blessing on the other side of bad times. What I am learning now is that the hard times and the worry, should be nothing but a puddle in my path. They are not put there for me to fall in. They are put there to reassure me, that through faith I can walk through anything.

I always felt before like, the treading was innevitable. If things are going well, the bad is coming, and there will be better on the other side. I sought after what my blessing would be after I endured the trying times. God has so ably revealed to me that there definitely is blessing at the end of the road, but it is not the blessing that I walk for. It is the joy in the journey.

This is a terrible analogy, but if you have ever been on a youth trip, or a sports team trip, or a choir trip in school. You are so excited for the event. To get there, and do your thing, but at the end of the day, when it is all said and done, the best part of the trip was the bus ride with your friends or teammates.

I am resolving today to not get so wrapped up in the big blessing at the end that I feel as though I just have to tread water until I get there. I am going to sit back and enjoy the journey. I will walk on this water, with my eyes fixed on him.

My maker knows me.

Learning to let go...

I read a great quote recently and it has really stayed with me.

"Worry does not prevent the pain of tomorrow, but robs today of its joy"

I really like that. I tend to stress about what is to come. If you ahve read any of my past posts, I am sure you picked up on the fact that I worry ALOT. I worry about what others think, what I might have said, or better yet, mis-said. I worry about my choices, I worry about my husbands choices, I worry about what my girls will choose. To be quite honest, it is exhausting. I would love to be one of those positive, happy go lucky people, but I have turned myself into quite the opposite.

Last Tuesday Greg last his job. I can't tell you how bad of a time I picked to start being positive. We are faced with tons of uncertainty. I am feeling remorseful about my decision earlier this year to leave my miserable, yet far more lucrative job, and most of all I found myself very untrusting. I feel more than ever that I can't get comfortable, for fear that the rug will get yanked out from under us yet again. Despite all these feelings, I am encouraged. I know that God does not ever have the rug pulled out from under him. God does not have a plan b because he does not need it. He is still working on plan A, and putting together much greater things for our family. I can already see it.

Greg just enrolled for his final semester of his associates degree, and will be movnig on to his bachelors in the summer. This whole situation has started a fire in him to get his degree, so as not to be in this situation ever again. Also, as I previously mentioned we are now living with my parents and renting out our house, so that means we have no mortgage or utility bills to speak of. Our biggest expense, daycare, is now substantially cheaper because Greg will be keeping the kids home 3 days a week, and to top it all off, we FOUND $1500 in checks, returns, and believe it or not scratches tickets to help get us through until unemployment kicks in. I qualify for insurance reimbursement at my job at our church, and have a ton of resources to pull from in order to find a great insurance plan so we will not have to pay for Cobra.

God is great. His plan is perfect. On top of all that, he knows my heart. He knows how I worry, and he knows just how to handle me. I will praise him in the sun and in the storm.

Being a good friend?

I have had a few situations lately where I am at a complete loss of what to say when a friend comes to me with issues she is having in her life. I feel like my initial reaction is to ask questions to understand what is going on, but once all the questions are answered, I always find myself at a complete loss of what to say.

Two such occasions have come up where all I want to say is...you grab your gun and I'll get my shovel, but upon further thought I don't think that is necessarily helpful. Then you take the route of offering up the whole, if I were you.... also, not that helpful. I want to be a good friend. I want to listen and comfort, but I am not always sure of the best way to go about it. One thing I do know is that I will be, and have been offering up more prayer than they can handle.

New additions....

This past Friday 10/23 Cugli and I welcomed a beautiful little girl into our family. Just like her sister, she made quite an entrance, at 9 lbs. 11 oz., and 20 inches long. Despite her being a sizeable baby, the delivery was perfect.

We went into the hospital for our 5 am appointment, however if I were to be completely honest we were about 15 minutes late. (C'mon people 5 am?) They started pitocin at about 5 :45. I was already dilated to 5cm so the hospital was very quick about getting me my epidural. I fell asleep, and didn't wake up, except for vital check ins by our nurse, until I started to feel some change in pressure at about 10:45. I told the nurse about the change, and she checked our progress. I was ready to push. They paged the doctor, and allowed me to start pushing. I pushed 3 times and they told me to stop be ause the baby was going to deliver before the doctor got there. Just then the doctor walked in, got in his gear, I pushed 2 more times, and she was out at 11:14 am. I am seriously considering a career as a Duggar, because it is apparent I am built for this. My mom keeps making smart remarks about delivering in rice patties and such.

The baby looks just like her Mamma did. She sort of resembles an elderly asian man, and we think she is gorgeous. Her big sister, is excited, but I can tell she is still sort of figuring out her place. She is very much a mommy's girl right now, and she is all about the, "mommy, watch", "mommy did you see me..." I am struggeling a little with this. I love both my children so much I can't stand it, but there is a small part of me, saying what did I do to her, that she now feels like she has to fight for attention in her own home. Home should feel safe and stable, but hers has been disrupted by a choice Cugli and I made for her. I know this probably sounds rediculous. I guess we all have to adjust to our new family dynamic.

Tonight, and every night for that matter, I am praying for guidance and reassurance. Any advice would be greatly welcomed. Prayers are even better.

We moved back in with the rents...

As promised, I am finding myself with more than enough time to blog now that things are winding down at work, and lets face it, with a baby coming tomorrow I could use the distraction. So I will continue my blog from yesterday and elaborate a little bit on our seemingly pathetic housing situation. It is true, we have moved back in with my parents. I never in a million years expected to see myself doing this, but honestly, it is not as bad as it may seem.

We made the decision after taking Financial Peace University, that we wanted to sort of recession proof our families finances. Especially having made the decision for me to cut back on my end of our income. So according to this class we took, the best thing to do is to:

1. Establish a $1000 emergency fund
2. Pay off all your debts

Believe it or not step 1 was relatively easy to accomplish. We had that completed in just a few weeks. The next step however has been the difficult one. We were not in that much debt, but enough that this step has been immensely tiring. We are ready to move on to the next...to start building wealth...and to stop waiting to get into a new house! SO we made the decision to try to sell our humble abode in this horrible economy, and downsize to a rental on a temporary basis in order to finish paying off our debt.

Little did we know, the economy was a little worse than we had bargained for. All the realtors we spoke with insisted that we would have to take a rather large loss on our home in order to get it sold. So in light of that information we started preparation to rent it. With in two weeks of making this decision we found a renter in our church, who was a perfect fit. The only catch was that she needed the house in 2 weeks. So the frantic packing and decision making began. My parents were kind enough to offer their finished basement as an option for us to move into rent free while we figured everything out. That's right folks....I said rent free.

And so, the decision was made. We moved into my parents house, and somewhat settled in. I say somewhat because as soon as we got there, they made the decision to put in hardwood floors, and renovate their kitchen, so we are as settled as you can call living in a construction zone. But again, it is rent free, and my mom does all my laundry, so at the end of the day, and with baby # 2 coming we think this will work out just fine for us.

Again, I know it sounds pathetic moving back in with good ol Mom and Dad, but it will be nice to have the help, and it is nice to not have any payments. We are on track to be completely debt free by January 1, 2010 speeding up the process by approx. a year. At that point we will start looking for the perfect next landing place for our little family.

Here we go again....

I know I keep committing to post more regularly with every new event in my life, but it is blatantly obvious by now that is never going to happen. The best I can do is to update the interweb for the sake of remembering big events for the Cugli Clan.

Since I have last posted, we have had some huge changes in our lives. No, the drooling is unfortunately not one of them. I am going to briefly recap everything that is going on and hopefully elaborate on each item further at a later date.

1. We are living with my parents. - Long story short, we found a renter VERY quickly and had to make a decision to get out of our house within 2 weeks. We landed at my parents house, for what started as a VERY temporary solution, but now with the baby coming, it just seems nice to be settled somewhere for a few months.

2. We have a new baby on the way! I posted about this previously, but now we really have a baby on the way. This Friday ( 10/23) is my induction date. We are having another little girl, and we have yet to solidly name her. It is amazing how with my first pregnancy, I labored over every tiny detail. This time around, I have been so busy with Sugar Bean, I can't keep my head strait. I keep telling myself not to worry because I will have a lifetime to dote on her. This 9 months is simply not it.

3. I am working again. I now am a "full time" administrative assistant at our home church. I LOVE EVERY MINUTE OF IT!! It is a rare thing when you can walk in every morning to someone telling you what a blessing you are. I feel needed here, and I appreciate that feeling so much. It is not like one day they are going to wake up and decide that me and my skills are obsolete. I may be doing the tiny support work, but it feels like so much more. Here it feels like every little contribution makes a big difference in peoples lives, and in their eternity. I was originally hoping for something part time as you might remember, but this is very flexible and most weeks I only work about 30 hours anyhow.

4. Sugar Bean switched day cares. She now goes to Miss Tracy's house to play on a daily basis and gets all the hugs and kisses she can handle. Tracy is a member of the church, who has 3 kids of her own, and was looking to make a little extra money. Her oldest daughter is in school all week, her middle daughter just started preschool 2 days a week, and her son is a year and a half older than Bean. She also keeps our youth pastors baby, Finley, and on occasion our staff assistants little boy Jude. Sugar Bean is the only girl 3 days a week and she rules the roost. She is not a pushy child, but she certainly has presence.

I think that is enough updating for now. In the next few days I am sure I will be looking for things to do to pass the time, so I will blog. I guess to sum it all up, life is a little unsettled and unorthodox for us right now. We are definitely in a time of transition, and we are appreciating every moment and lesson in it all. We love our life, our Sugar Bean, our little Sprout, and our God. So I guess things could not be more perfect.

The drool.

If you have ever met me you probably have noticed a small obsession I have. No, no, not loosing weight. Baby Clothes! I am the type of mom that scours the sales at high priced baby boutiques and thrives on the liquidation sales, no not to make sure I get the best deals (though that is a nice little perk) I do this to make sure I get something incredibly unique and don't pay a fortune to ensure my daughters fashionista status. I am that ridiculous mother who will wear the same black pants to church every week I appear on stage just to make sure Sugar Bean has that bargain basement priced Ralph Lauren Tartan Christmas dress. I know I am rediculous, but it has become a hobby. I make bows and employ crafty friends to assist me when needed. but there is one thing that I absolutely cannot figure out how to over come. THE DROOL! I use to blame it on teething, but the child even has her one year molars. There is genuinely no excuse. I have googled this so many times I can't even tell you. The only advice I found other than wait it out is to teach her to drink from a straw. Well guess what. She has been drinking from a straw since she has used a sippy...still no luck. ALL of her dresses have a nice little ring of slobber all over the collars. We also have an unmatched supply of bibs. I am starting to think she wants to keep the bibs to spite me. "Haha Mom...you want me to ear this outfit with lime green pants, just try and find a bib to match!" Of all things to be complaining about, I am sooooo glad this is it, but really Bean, lets control our spit before mommy loses it.

Moving up.

Today was much easier than I thought it would be. Sugar Bean finally moved to the toddler room at daycare. This weekend we had to go pick out a blanket for her to use on her cot at nap time. Because, apparently, she is big enough now to not need a crib. So we picked out a Dora blanket and pillow for her to take. She was so proud of the blanket she was showing everyone as we walked into the center.

Normally when we get there I would sign her into the baby room on the first sheet in the row, but not today. Her name was on the second sheet now. So I signed her in and walked her into the big kid room. Normally she would be handed to a teacher so that someone held her as I walked out. But not today. I stood her at the table of puppets with all the other kids and she immersed herself in inspecting all the animals. She barely noticed I even walked out except to give me a huge happy grin. I had resolved not to hug and kiss on her before I left, because I didn't want to make it harder on both of us. She was so well adjusted I realized she didn't need it anyhow.

She looks so tiny among all the other kids. I was so proud of her. She stood there and got right into the mix. Not a bit intimidated by her new surroundings. She had a look on her face like she had no idea how tiny she looked. She was confident that she is a big girl now and this is where she belongs. I can't believe I didn't burst into tears right then. I was just so proud of my tiny little "big girl". She is amazing.

Sitting here recounting the whole experience I can't keep the tears back completely. I am saddened that she is no longer a baby, but at the same time I am so excited to see what this knew challenge teaches her. She needed the move, it was so apparent that she belonged there. My cup runneth over.

I did it.

I still can't even believe I am writing this. After months and months of deliberating about what the best choice for our family is, we finally have come to a conclusion.

Yesterday I submitted my two weeks notice to a company I have worked for and loved (until the last 6 months) for 4 years. I was surprised at how much peace I felt. I thought there would be tears shed, and it would be difficult to get out, but when it was all said and done I knew this was God's plan for my family.

I wish I could say that I had solid plans, but I don't. I know that i have a very strong job prospect starting in June, for part time work. If the job in June falls through I am pretty much set that I am going to go back to school and finish out my education degree. Of course, I say all this now, but who knows what will actually end up happening. I like that feeling a lot more than I ever imagined I would. Knowing that there will come a morning very soon where Sugar Bean and I will get up together at 8 and just piddle around the house or the park.

I miss her so desperately. I think this will give me the best of both worlds. I will get to work or go to school part time and get out of the house, but then I will get more time in my day with my beautiful little girl. I feel so blessed today I can harly contain my excitement. Money will be tight, and out living quarters will get a little tighter, but at the end of the day, this is where I should be.

Big Day!

Sugar Bean turned 1!

That is right my worst fears have come true. My baby girl is a whole year old. Cugli and I took the day off and we all went to the zoo. The weather was beautiful, and it was an incredible day. Sugar Bean had a little bit of a tough time differentiating between all the animals. Her new favorite words are Bye Bye and Puppy, so every single animal we saw, from Elephants to Emus were all puppies according to our big girl. It was really cute.

After the zoo we all went over to Nanny's house, and had some dinner and cake. We were all so excited to see her tear into her own personal cake, but in true Sugar Bean style, she made Daddy mush it first. She HATED having the cake on her hands and would make mommy wipe her off after every bite. It is nice that she is neat, but c'mon it's your birthday kid! Live a little! Here are a few photos of our cake experience.

Not quite sure what to do.

Now I have it!
Here Dad some.
I cannot handle this stuff on my hands!
Ahhhhh...Squeeky Clean!

Happy Birthday Beautiful Baby. Mommy loves you sooooo much!