Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Monday, March 15, 2010

My Baby is turning 2.

Tomorrow is the big day. Sugar Bean will officially be 2 years old. I feel like it was just yesterday that I was leaving the hospital with our new baby girl. Since then A LOT has changed in our lives. She is no longer the only baby, but she is wonderful. I read about a mothers love on another blog recently and I thought she put it incredibly eloquently. "Love does not come in amounts. It cannot be measured...It just is." She has shown me not only what love is, but she has helped me to understand the father's love for me.

I have a long way to go to be the Mommy she deserves, but every day I am striving to learn a little, participate a little more, and I am learning love in such a profound way.

At this point in her life she is:

Very tall and skinny as always. (in the 97th percentile for her height), Beautiful, Charming, She talks like a 4 year old. I mean how many two year old kids would tell you they "prefer" turkey. She hates slowing down long enough to give hugs, but will every once in a while take your face in her hands and pull you in for a HUGE smooch. She still drools, has very little hair, and the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen. She loves makeup, and takes chap stick with her wherever she goes. She is a Daddy's girl until she is sad or hurt and then she wants her Mommy. She loves her sister, and hates to see her cry. She is brave, and completely unintimidated by the world around her. She loves to people watch, especially when older kids are around. The best sound in the world is hearing her tiny pounding footsteps as she runs full tilt through the house.

All of these things make her so uniquely and beautifully her. He knitted her together in my womb. He knows her so much better than I could ever begin to scratch the surface. I thank him every day for the opportunity I have to just get a glimpse of the amazing creation he has made in her. Happy Birthday Teagan. You are amazing!

Saturday, March 13, 2010

CIO

Yea it is 2:16 in th emorning. Cugli and I have had enough. Peanut refuses to sleep through the night, and we can't take it anymore. We are terrible parents I know, and we cried it out with our older daughter, but this one just won't give. She is so persistant, that this is our 3rd go round of giving this a shot and Mommy and Daddy cracking.

With Sugar Bean, it seemed so easy. (Part of that could be because Cugli handled it as I offered him moral support while sleeping on the couch. Thanks babe!) It took 3 nights all together, and she slept like a champ. We would put her to sleep while still awake and she would play with her fingers and toes until she lulled herself to sleep. She still is a great sleeper. She will come tell us if she is ready for a nap a little earlier than normal, and treats goodnight kisses, like her Victory lap. She runs to bed at night yelling through the house Goodnight...Bye...Goodnight! And once in bed she goes right to sleep with no fuss. Not to rub it in, but she also sleeps until at least 8:00 every morning.

We attributed much of this amazingness to crying it out with her. However, now that we are working things out with baby number two, I am not so sure. Peanut goes down great every night. The issues usually begin about 4 hours later. It does not make any difference what time she goes to bed it is always about 4 hours later that she wakes up screaming. I worried at first that she was just hungry, but we are now feeding her nearly a full 8 oz. of oatmeal formula before putting her down.

I think the thing I struggle with most is not that she is not currently sleeping through the night, it is that she is getting progressively worse at it. At first, I would give in to the 4 hour later feeding, and then she developed a 3:00 feeding. It did not matter if she ate only an hour prior, she is like clockwork, and would be up at 3:00 on the nose. Now she has also developed a new desired feeding time for 5:30 and the worst part of all is that she was sleeping through the night until about 2 months ago.

She started sleeping through the night at 4 weeks old. No tears, no issues, just a great nights sleep. She then developed a cold. He cough would wake her up at night, and so like the terrible mother I am...I would go coddle her or feed her back to sleep. Now I could shoot myself in the foot. As much as I felt bad for her poor little cough, I have now ruined her sleep habits and it is like a downward spiral. She is tired because she is not sleeping, which makes it harder for her to get to sleep, so she gets more tired and so on.

I am not sure what to do with her. I just want the poor baby to get some rest, and to enjoy night time the way her sister does. What am I doing wrong!!!!????

UPDATE - I evidentally wrote too soon. Tonight, we only endured one wake up and it only took her about 20 minutes to get to sleep. Maybe this time is the charm!?!?

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Just a few thoughts

Yesterday, Cugli and I went out for dinner. It was sort of a half hearted attempt at celebrating our anniversary, the same week we are throwing Sugar Bean's second birthday party. We will do a much better job at celebrating next weekend, but that is beside the point.

Cugli hates going to the movies, and I hate put put so, we were sort of out of ideas, and we just drove around and talked. We are known for going out to dinner and then driving around aimlessly, and just chatting. Hey you gotta live it up when you have childcare already taken care of. Well, I guess I am sort of known for it. If I am having a rough time, or someone close to me is having a rough time, my first thought is...lets jump in the car, drive around, and talk it out. I just seem to think more clearly, and talk more easily while in the car. (Not to mention, you get to see some beautiful houses this way).

Anyway, last night we just drove and talked. The one thing that keeps coming up in my life and in the life of others around me is the old adage that, "When it rains it pours" or "It will get worse before it gets better". As I have previously expressed, I am a worrier by nature, and these statements are enough to send me into a tailspin. I have felt for awhile like I am fighting everyday to keep my head above water in this huge ocean of worry and paranoia. For us, Greg lost his job...so my first natural thought is, what expense will come up next? Will it be the car, the house, God forbid, a medical bill. I do my best to suppress these fears by looking around me and seeing what God has already done to sustain us financially, but I still feel like I am continuously treading water, and to be frank, I am tired.

As we drove last night I talked to Cugli about these fears, and I told him about how exhausted I felt. I told him I feel like I am treading, and I can't keep going much longer like this. As the words came out of my mouth, I was immediately given reassurance from a still small voice.

"I never called you, or anyone to tread in the water. I called you to walk on it."

I immediately felt silly. I think this all is part of my path. I don't think God is testing me. He is teaching me. There are going to be worries in my life. There are going to be difficult times and through it all I am learning.

I have always believed there is blessing on the other side of bad times. What I am learning now is that the hard times and the worry, should be nothing but a puddle in my path. They are not put there for me to fall in. They are put there to reassure me, that through faith I can walk through anything.

I always felt before like, the treading was innevitable. If things are going well, the bad is coming, and there will be better on the other side. I sought after what my blessing would be after I endured the trying times. God has so ably revealed to me that there definitely is blessing at the end of the road, but it is not the blessing that I walk for. It is the joy in the journey.

This is a terrible analogy, but if you have ever been on a youth trip, or a sports team trip, or a choir trip in school. You are so excited for the event. To get there, and do your thing, but at the end of the day, when it is all said and done, the best part of the trip was the bus ride with your friends or teammates.

I am resolving today to not get so wrapped up in the big blessing at the end that I feel as though I just have to tread water until I get there. I am going to sit back and enjoy the journey. I will walk on this water, with my eyes fixed on him.

My maker knows me.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Learning to let go...

I read a great quote recently and it has really stayed with me.

"Worry does not prevent the pain of tomorrow, but robs today of its joy"

I really like that. I tend to stress about what is to come. If you ahve read any of my past posts, I am sure you picked up on the fact that I worry ALOT. I worry about what others think, what I might have said, or better yet, mis-said. I worry about my choices, I worry about my husbands choices, I worry about what my girls will choose. To be quite honest, it is exhausting. I would love to be one of those positive, happy go lucky people, but I have turned myself into quite the opposite.

Last Tuesday Greg last his job. I can't tell you how bad of a time I picked to start being positive. We are faced with tons of uncertainty. I am feeling remorseful about my decision earlier this year to leave my miserable, yet far more lucrative job, and most of all I found myself very untrusting. I feel more than ever that I can't get comfortable, for fear that the rug will get yanked out from under us yet again. Despite all these feelings, I am encouraged. I know that God does not ever have the rug pulled out from under him. God does not have a plan b because he does not need it. He is still working on plan A, and putting together much greater things for our family. I can already see it.

Greg just enrolled for his final semester of his associates degree, and will be movnig on to his bachelors in the summer. This whole situation has started a fire in him to get his degree, so as not to be in this situation ever again. Also, as I previously mentioned we are now living with my parents and renting out our house, so that means we have no mortgage or utility bills to speak of. Our biggest expense, daycare, is now substantially cheaper because Greg will be keeping the kids home 3 days a week, and to top it all off, we FOUND $1500 in checks, returns, and believe it or not scratches tickets to help get us through until unemployment kicks in. I qualify for insurance reimbursement at my job at our church, and have a ton of resources to pull from in order to find a great insurance plan so we will not have to pay for Cobra.

God is great. His plan is perfect. On top of all that, he knows my heart. He knows how I worry, and he knows just how to handle me. I will praise him in the sun and in the storm.

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Being a good friend?

I have had a few situations lately where I am at a complete loss of what to say when a friend comes to me with issues she is having in her life. I feel like my initial reaction is to ask questions to understand what is going on, but once all the questions are answered, I always find myself at a complete loss of what to say.

Two such occasions have come up where all I want to say is...you grab your gun and I'll get my shovel, but upon further thought I don't think that is necessarily helpful. Then you take the route of offering up the whole, if I were you.... also, not that helpful. I want to be a good friend. I want to listen and comfort, but I am not always sure of the best way to go about it. One thing I do know is that I will be, and have been offering up more prayer than they can handle.