The drool.

If you have ever met me you probably have noticed a small obsession I have. No, no, not loosing weight. Baby Clothes! I am the type of mom that scours the sales at high priced baby boutiques and thrives on the liquidation sales, no not to make sure I get the best deals (though that is a nice little perk) I do this to make sure I get something incredibly unique and don't pay a fortune to ensure my daughters fashionista status. I am that ridiculous mother who will wear the same black pants to church every week I appear on stage just to make sure Sugar Bean has that bargain basement priced Ralph Lauren Tartan Christmas dress. I know I am rediculous, but it has become a hobby. I make bows and employ crafty friends to assist me when needed. but there is one thing that I absolutely cannot figure out how to over come. THE DROOL! I use to blame it on teething, but the child even has her one year molars. There is genuinely no excuse. I have googled this so many times I can't even tell you. The only advice I found other than wait it out is to teach her to drink from a straw. Well guess what. She has been drinking from a straw since she has used a sippy...still no luck. ALL of her dresses have a nice little ring of slobber all over the collars. We also have an unmatched supply of bibs. I am starting to think she wants to keep the bibs to spite me. "Haha Mom...you want me to ear this outfit with lime green pants, just try and find a bib to match!" Of all things to be complaining about, I am sooooo glad this is it, but really Bean, lets control our spit before mommy loses it.

Moving up.

Today was much easier than I thought it would be. Sugar Bean finally moved to the toddler room at daycare. This weekend we had to go pick out a blanket for her to use on her cot at nap time. Because, apparently, she is big enough now to not need a crib. So we picked out a Dora blanket and pillow for her to take. She was so proud of the blanket she was showing everyone as we walked into the center.

Normally when we get there I would sign her into the baby room on the first sheet in the row, but not today. Her name was on the second sheet now. So I signed her in and walked her into the big kid room. Normally she would be handed to a teacher so that someone held her as I walked out. But not today. I stood her at the table of puppets with all the other kids and she immersed herself in inspecting all the animals. She barely noticed I even walked out except to give me a huge happy grin. I had resolved not to hug and kiss on her before I left, because I didn't want to make it harder on both of us. She was so well adjusted I realized she didn't need it anyhow.

She looks so tiny among all the other kids. I was so proud of her. She stood there and got right into the mix. Not a bit intimidated by her new surroundings. She had a look on her face like she had no idea how tiny she looked. She was confident that she is a big girl now and this is where she belongs. I can't believe I didn't burst into tears right then. I was just so proud of my tiny little "big girl". She is amazing.

Sitting here recounting the whole experience I can't keep the tears back completely. I am saddened that she is no longer a baby, but at the same time I am so excited to see what this knew challenge teaches her. She needed the move, it was so apparent that she belonged there. My cup runneth over.

I did it.

I still can't even believe I am writing this. After months and months of deliberating about what the best choice for our family is, we finally have come to a conclusion.

Yesterday I submitted my two weeks notice to a company I have worked for and loved (until the last 6 months) for 4 years. I was surprised at how much peace I felt. I thought there would be tears shed, and it would be difficult to get out, but when it was all said and done I knew this was God's plan for my family.

I wish I could say that I had solid plans, but I don't. I know that i have a very strong job prospect starting in June, for part time work. If the job in June falls through I am pretty much set that I am going to go back to school and finish out my education degree. Of course, I say all this now, but who knows what will actually end up happening. I like that feeling a lot more than I ever imagined I would. Knowing that there will come a morning very soon where Sugar Bean and I will get up together at 8 and just piddle around the house or the park.

I miss her so desperately. I think this will give me the best of both worlds. I will get to work or go to school part time and get out of the house, but then I will get more time in my day with my beautiful little girl. I feel so blessed today I can harly contain my excitement. Money will be tight, and out living quarters will get a little tighter, but at the end of the day, this is where I should be.

Big Day!

Sugar Bean turned 1!

That is right my worst fears have come true. My baby girl is a whole year old. Cugli and I took the day off and we all went to the zoo. The weather was beautiful, and it was an incredible day. Sugar Bean had a little bit of a tough time differentiating between all the animals. Her new favorite words are Bye Bye and Puppy, so every single animal we saw, from Elephants to Emus were all puppies according to our big girl. It was really cute.

After the zoo we all went over to Nanny's house, and had some dinner and cake. We were all so excited to see her tear into her own personal cake, but in true Sugar Bean style, she made Daddy mush it first. She HATED having the cake on her hands and would make mommy wipe her off after every bite. It is nice that she is neat, but c'mon it's your birthday kid! Live a little! Here are a few photos of our cake experience.

Not quite sure what to do.

Now I have it!
Here Dad some.
I cannot handle this stuff on my hands!
Ahhhhh...Squeeky Clean!

Happy Birthday Beautiful Baby. Mommy loves you sooooo much!

Carbs

I am definitely pregnant again and all that apparently goes with it. My doctor called and said that my sugar is pretty elevated and that I will need to start testing several times a day again. I am thankful that is all that is wrong. Trust me, with as many things that call could have been about I am perfectly happy to poke my finger 4-5 times a day. But it just seems cruel. A pregnant woman not allowed to consume carbs. What is that?!

I am concerned all the stress with my job is taking its tole on my body. I have never had so many colds in my life, and the last time I went down the gestational diabetes road my sugar levels hovered around 100, which is a little high, but not crazy. This time, I am on the diet and I can't get it below 150. It is pretty well known that stress can cause this, but what am I suppose to do. Go on insulin just so that I can stay in a job I hate. I am going to talk to one of our supervisors today and see what we can do. Pray a little prayer for me. That everything goes well, and we can work something out.

So Big...

Last night Sugar Bean was sitting in her high chair and I was just watching my happy little baby as her feet swung back and forth. All of the sudden it hit me.....Her feet were touching the chair seat underneath her booster. Her long legs kicked and her feet tapped the chair. What happened to my tiny baby. She looked so big sitting there. Almost like........A TODDLER! (shudder). She also has started showing off at day care and standing completely unassisted. I don't think I can handle it. She seems to be growing up faster and faster. Didn't they say that development SLOWS as they get older?

She will be a year old on March the 16th. I absolutely cannot believe it has almost been a year since she joined our little family. I can remember the day I found out we were expecting her like it was yesterday. How grateful I was, how scared I still am every day wondering if I am making good choices for her. She is such a good baby. she sleeps incredibly well, she has an amazing temperament, everyone tells us how well behaved she is. I can't take even a little credit for any of it. She is just a blessing through and through.

I am torn between the baby I want to keep and the child I can't wait to experience. I think for now, at least as long as she is wearing footed jammies, and needs cuddles with her night time bottle, I will cling to my baby and take in every last minute. The clock is deffinitely ticking.

Rest....

as I previously mentioned, it has been an interesting week to say the least. I have shed a lot of tears, and by a lot, I mean more than the average person should. I admittedly am a crier though, so it has not been that shocking to Cugli. You know...the hormones and all.

Last night, while my hubby was at work, I snuggled into our bed and I just poured it out. I talked God's ear off. There is not a person I have encountered that did not get a little prayer intervention last night. I weeped, I shared, and I couldn't sleep until it was all out.

When I realized what time it was, Cugli was snuggling in next to me with his long arms around me as tightly as he could get them. He smelled of work and deodorant (his half hearted attempt at cleaning up before he gets into bed). He kissed the nape of my neck and stroked my hair as he fell asleep.

I felt like God just reached right out of heaven and wrapped his love around me in the form of my big warm man. I felt like it was God telling me..."rest. I will take it from here." So I did.