Just a few thoughts

Yesterday, Cugli and I went out for dinner. It was sort of a half hearted attempt at celebrating our anniversary, the same week we are throwing Sugar Bean's second birthday party. We will do a much better job at celebrating next weekend, but that is beside the point.

Cugli hates going to the movies, and I hate put put so, we were sort of out of ideas, and we just drove around and talked. We are known for going out to dinner and then driving around aimlessly, and just chatting. Hey you gotta live it up when you have childcare already taken care of. Well, I guess I am sort of known for it. If I am having a rough time, or someone close to me is having a rough time, my first thought is...lets jump in the car, drive around, and talk it out. I just seem to think more clearly, and talk more easily while in the car. (Not to mention, you get to see some beautiful houses this way).

Anyway, last night we just drove and talked. The one thing that keeps coming up in my life and in the life of others around me is the old adage that, "When it rains it pours" or "It will get worse before it gets better". As I have previously expressed, I am a worrier by nature, and these statements are enough to send me into a tailspin. I have felt for awhile like I am fighting everyday to keep my head above water in this huge ocean of worry and paranoia. For us, Greg lost his job...so my first natural thought is, what expense will come up next? Will it be the car, the house, God forbid, a medical bill. I do my best to suppress these fears by looking around me and seeing what God has already done to sustain us financially, but I still feel like I am continuously treading water, and to be frank, I am tired.

As we drove last night I talked to Cugli about these fears, and I told him about how exhausted I felt. I told him I feel like I am treading, and I can't keep going much longer like this. As the words came out of my mouth, I was immediately given reassurance from a still small voice.

"I never called you, or anyone to tread in the water. I called you to walk on it."

I immediately felt silly. I think this all is part of my path. I don't think God is testing me. He is teaching me. There are going to be worries in my life. There are going to be difficult times and through it all I am learning.

I have always believed there is blessing on the other side of bad times. What I am learning now is that the hard times and the worry, should be nothing but a puddle in my path. They are not put there for me to fall in. They are put there to reassure me, that through faith I can walk through anything.

I always felt before like, the treading was innevitable. If things are going well, the bad is coming, and there will be better on the other side. I sought after what my blessing would be after I endured the trying times. God has so ably revealed to me that there definitely is blessing at the end of the road, but it is not the blessing that I walk for. It is the joy in the journey.

This is a terrible analogy, but if you have ever been on a youth trip, or a sports team trip, or a choir trip in school. You are so excited for the event. To get there, and do your thing, but at the end of the day, when it is all said and done, the best part of the trip was the bus ride with your friends or teammates.

I am resolving today to not get so wrapped up in the big blessing at the end that I feel as though I just have to tread water until I get there. I am going to sit back and enjoy the journey. I will walk on this water, with my eyes fixed on him.

My maker knows me.