He hears me when I call.

So, I am a big fat whiner, but my God hears me even when I am being ridiculous. As mentioned in my last post, I am seriously struggling lately with the desire to stay home, the financial repercussions of that choice, and a job and house I hate. I posted my lament simply to get it off my chest. I didn't care if it made sense to anyone, I just needed to sort of talk it out.

The morning after I posted, an amazing thing happened. It started snowing. There is something refreshing about snow. The crisp air, the white ground. I love it. I am one of those crazies who loves it so much that I don't just want a little snow......I prefer blizzard like conditions. Lets just say, God provides. Not only did he offer me this beautiful sense of peace, I got two days home with my greatest gift ever. Sugar Bean.

We played and napped, and laid around our tiny house in our jammies. It was amazing how the house didn't feel as small as it usually does, or as dangerous as it has to me lately. It felt cozy, and comfortable. The whole two days felt so perfect. They felt like exactly what I needed.

I came back to work yesterday terrified of what I would find on my desk. I will admit, it was as bad as I thought it would be, but so much more manageable than it felt on Monday. I still cannot manage to get everything done that I need to. I still feel like a failure at work(not that this is anything new). But I now see the point.

I am working to make sure that my precious little gift is taken care of. I am blessed to ahve a job, though it may feel like a curse at times. We are lucky to own our home, even if it is in an interesting location. I talked it over with Cugli and we have a two year plan. I am going to remain working for 2 years and in that time we should be able to move, and hopefully expand our family. 2 years still feels like a long time, but at least it is finite. We have a plan.

I guess the mroal of the story is, even when I am being a big whiney baby, my God hears me. He knows my heart. He knows my desires and appreciations, even when I am not quite sure how to voice them. Though God is so great, he can be small enough to hear me.